11 absolutely underrated things that girls can't possibly get by without.

1. Farting.

This was a given right? I mean, as soon as you see the header, you know this is gonna be point #1. Yes, it's that common.

2. Biting nails.

The amount we ingest is directly proportional to the amount of tension (and also our calcium intake, but that's another listicle all together. Biting nails is the #IAmSoBroke equivalent of binging on ice creams or chocolates.

3. The perfect vernacular equivalent of the word 'ASSHOLE'. 

Because:

4. Bitching.

Not even trying to justify this one.

5. An unmarried/not-about-to-get-married/not-madly-in-love-with-a-man girlfriend.

Because sometimes, bitching isn't enough. You need the perfect person who can fuel the anger inside.

6. Big Words.

No, we do not know what they mean, but we know that there's no way you know them. So we are going to use them anyway.

7. Roomy Undies. 

Not lacy thongs or g-strings. Nope #DamnComfortable

8. The Glare.

Sometimes, words fall flat on their faces. And that's when we unleash the glare. It does the job all right.

9. The LOL

Laughing like a hyena, so much so that our eyes tear up, not giving a fig to being 'unladylike'. Who invented that word anyway?

10. Window shopping

Ask prices of stuff and look really interested in them without any intention of buying them, and then, do the walk-away.

11. Narcissism

Catch a glance (generally undetectable by normal human-eye) of ourselves on any and every surface reflective.

My choice. Yours too.

When, in class 9, I first chose to go to a late night party at my friend's, her father chose to accompany me home.

When, after school, I chose English as a major, even though I had Science in the plus 2, my father chose to stand in the long queue at Presidency for hours to get the admission forms.

When, after graduation, I chose to do my masters away from this state, in the midst of an unknown world, my father chose to accompany me to Delhi for the first time and also chose to let me take that trip alone thereafter. 

When I chose not to continue with academics and take a six month break doing nothing, after completing masters, my father chose to pamper me at home, bringing me glasses of water every half-an-hour. (I don't drink enough water and he can't stop complaining about that)

When I chose to work for a Bengali magazine after completing masters in English, my dad and my boyfriend chose not to point out the dichotomy or the futility of my English education but showed my stories off proudly, exclaiming , "We never knew, you could write so well in Bangla"

When I chose to have one too many drink and got sick in the middle of the road while returning home alone,  a bunch of young men,  unknown to me,  chose not to pass lewd comments or question my character. Instead, they chose to bring me a bottle of water so I could wash my face and offered me help in any other way they could. 

When I chose to change jobs, finally, for an English daily, the two men in my life chose to remind me, a 6-day-week would get tough. Then my dad chose to remind me to get my PF transferred. My boyfriend chose to make me a diet-chart, because it was going to get gruelling.

When, on a regular office day, I chose not to have my breakfast and got dizzy in the taxi,  the driver chose to drop me off at the nearest hospital and leave his phone number with me, so I could call him up if I needed.

When, after a long battle with myself,  I finally chose to come clean about my OCD to the people who matter, they chose to disguise their befuddlement, instead, opting to read up, watch medical shows, talk to doctors in order to understand what generations before us had blanket-termed as insanity.

Oh wait, did I mention, my mom, my sister, my friends — male and female, were all very much part of these choices too?

My choices are my fingerprints. Sure. But my relationships are my fingers. If that makes any sense.  

5 ways to say 'I don't give a f*ck', a la Sheldon Cooper

1. Oh wow. You are such a dumbf*ck that I could almost shove you up a pig ass right now and then give it a gelusil so it wouldn't puke you out!



2. There. I gave a f*uck. Happy?



3. I so don't give a f*uck and so I will give you the tongue! Just for you, I will throw in a little eye too.



4. You can't possibly still think I give a f*uck. Did I not make myself clear enough?



5. Your world would have been so much better had I given a f*ck, but, I don't. Friends?



6. Bonus: Oh man, I am so fucking tired of your lameass tomfoolery that If I din't have to lick your ass for a promotion, I would have told you in 5 different ways, how I don't give a f*uck."

5 struggles that girls who are ‘one of the dudes’ go through

Le friends: Let’s walk from Jadavpur Thana to Dhakuia.

Le me: I can’t.

Le Friends: Why not?

Le me: I am wearing heels.

Le friends:  Oh, Stop being such a girl.

Le me: ??!!

Le friends: You look different.

Le me: Really? (getting excited) How so?

Le friends: Is that lipstick? Seriously, you are wearing lipstick? Dude, check this out, she is wearing lipstick. (Bursts into laughter)

Le me: ?!!??!!???

Le friends: Why don’t you stay back tonight?

Le me: I can’t. I didn’t get a change of clothes.

Le friends:  You will sleep in my bumchums.

Le me (Looking at the underwear and shorts pile-up): Aaahh, no thanks. I am used to sleeping in my denims.

Le friends coming over unannounced: Dude, let’s go out and grab a beer.

Le me (embarrassed and trying to hide girly stuff and hoping he wouldn’t notice): yeah, sure, why not.

Le friend (Noticing): I thought only we guys keep our underwears strewn around.

Le me (muttering under breath): So now you notice I am a girl!

Scene: Friends returning after Booze marathon.

Le Friend 1: Man I need to pee (stops car, gets down, pees, comes back)

Le Friend 2: Man I need to pee (Same drill)

Le Friend 3: Man I need to pee (Same drill)

Le me: Guys, I need to pee.

Le friends stop car.

Awkward silence.

Le friends: Let’s get you home.

More awkward silence.

  

  

Cute Guy post #3

Cute guy taking driving lesson almost mows me down. I stop dead in my track, look at him, flash him a smile and marvel at the intricacies of human mind.

5 things erstwhile Orkut users will identify with.

An obit to our first step into the wilderness called Social Networking. Paying respects to Orkut

So, you remember the times you fought with the sister over the number of scraps you had? Or the days you spent convincing your friends, "I will write you a testimonial if you write me one?" And the times you would strive to up your coolness quotient to a 3 star? Well gone are the days… ummm… if they weren’t gone already. Because, Google has finally decided to take suo moto cognizance of Orkut’s irrelevance in the regular netizen’s life and decided to put it to sleep. September 30 is the last you can access your account and you have till then top recover all your data (and thus relive the gone-by era). What was that song again? Wake me up, when September ends…. Was it? Ah well…

5 things now embarrassed Orkut users will identify with:

1. That story doing the rounds that Orkut was created by this old dude who had lost contact with his lady love and built this social networking site only to launch a search for her

2. The fact that you had to bug your more-technologically-advanced friend (duh!) to send you an invite before you could join Orkut.

3. Disguise was super cool. Using the picture of your fave hero as the profile picture? Naming your Orkut avatar RaatJaagaTara or BatmanNoShit? That was the norm. You see, it was our first venture out into the unknown (read: social networking) and security was a concern!

4. When a friend left Orkut (of course only to return three days later), the mourning of the lost scraps and the heart-attack that accompanied the falling behind on the number-of-scraps competition.

5. You don’t remember your Orkut password anymore. In fact, you don’t even remember whether your account is still active or you decided to put it to sleep once your FB account had more than 100 friends. And the your first reaction to the news of Orkut shutting down was, “What will happen to my pictures!”

Cute Guy post #2

Cute guy from office just flashed a heavenly smile at me. It's raining crazy outside. #TotalPhilmy

Cute Guy post #1

Cute Guy just poached my cab. Should I have asked for a lift? #WhatIf

The parched pages of our story remain....

The parched pages of our story remain

I rewrite them every-night, engraving every minute detail of each bargain every day on its canvas, colouring them in coral tones, and then washing them off, leaving them a little bit more parched for the next day. The parched pages of our story remain.

One realizes that somewhere down the line, it is easy to loose the will to fight. But not so easy to stop hating. To stop the tears welling up in the hollow that is left behind. Not so easy to stop caring.

I recycle love every-night. The parched pages of our story remain.